Welcome to my ritual chamber: the way has been prepared for your arrival, and you are invited to suspend disbelief and conjure a fantasy through which you can change your reality. I'm here to listen to you: What do you need in this moment? Tell me what ails you, and whether your complaint is general or specific I can bend my cards to your will and find a fortune worthy of your name. To begin our ritual, you must do only one thing: Ask.

Fast & Dirty—$5
When you need the right answer, right now, this is what you want: a bare-bones, no-nonsense answer to your question. A fast and dirty reading is suitable for one question that can be answered yes-or-no, is a basic comparison between choices that doesn't require elaboration, or requires only a simple snapshot of past, present, or future. If I show you what I see in your cards, are you prepared to change reality in accordance with your will? If so, then act now and choose wisely.

The Goat of Mendes—$10
Created by myself, the father of The Satanic Tarot, the Goat of Mendes is specifically designed to sort friend from foe. Following the pattern of the inverted pentagram, this six-card arrangement shows how your friends help you (and how to reward them), how your enemies hurt you (and how to punish them), and the reality you've made for yourself (and whether you're rewarding or punishing yourself). As the god of your own life, you have the power to bestow kindness and wrath upon the deserving -- it's time to fulfill your responsibilities.

The Celtic Cross—$15
Created by Arthur Edward Waite, the father of the Pictorial Key to the Tarot, the Celtic Cross is both the stereotype and the archetype of a Tarot reading. This is a punchy, 10-card arrangement that is perfect for almost any situation, be it your standard Past-Present-Future predictions, love and relationship questions, open exploration of uncertain circumstances, and more. Small or large, specific or generic, the Celtic Cross has persisted for over 100 years because it gets results.

The Devil's Cross—$20
Also created by myself, the Devil's Cross invites you to tear apart either yourself or another person in order to reveal not only truth and consistency, but also deception and hypocrisy. This 14-card arrangement explores needs, habits, desires, thoughts, words, and actions, but also strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats, and blind spots. The Devil's Cross is suitable for investigation of a single person, and is the perfect way to get under the skin and inside the mind. You might not like what you see, but you will SEE!


If you want multiples of any arrangement, you may increase quantity while reviewing your order. After completing check-out with PayPal, you’ll be directed to a form and asked to submit your questions. Your reading will be delivered as a high quality MP3 audio recording within 24 hours after you submit your questions.

Caveat Emptor
This service is for adults aged 18 and older. Due to the nature of this service, refunds are not possible and therefore all sales are final. I am obligated by law to refuse all questions regarding your health, investment of money, legal proceedings, how to harm yourself or somebody else, and criminal ventures. Archived MP3's will be removed from the cloud after one year. This service is for entertainment only.