September 01, 2018

September 2018: The Man Behind the Curtain

via The Wizard of Oz (1939)
September is too early to write about my year-in-review, but considering some of the changes that are happening right now it seems as good a time as any to look back and think forward -- or think back and look forward? Whichever and however the case, 2018 so far has been a whirlwind for me and to be honest I need to get out of the weather. I've never been very good at managing my time, and as a personal project in 2018 I've been working hard a changing that fault. In the process, one of the biggest things I've learned about myself is that while I tend to get fixated on whatever I'm dealing with at a given moment which in turn eats up my mental real estate and predisposes me to the company of the two-headed monster of overwhelm and exhaustion.

This is something I've been working on since late last year and early this year, and is the chief reason why I stopped broadcasting on my YouTube channel: I could not find a way to manage both my blog and my YouTube channel that didn't throw the rest of my own life and my family life out of balance. After considering what was most important to me, the most reasonable decision turned out to be that the most reasonable thing was to retire my YouTube channel and focus on my blog.

Unfortunately, that was only a superficial resolution because while it eliminated one thing that consumes my time and energy, it didn't address how I spent the rest of my time and energy. In this way, my blog became a sort of social-media feed where I posted quick blurbs, shared my mental digestion, and otherwise thought out-loud. It was fun for me in terms of an exercise in vanity, but all the time I was no longer spending on my YouTube channel became the time I spent writing on my blog and in the final calculation became the same sort of problem as my YouTube channel.

To treat this problem, I've adopted a schedule of blogging once a week, and usually on Fridays, although the occasional exception is made to work around the 1st of the month. The schedule I'm following right now is that the first of the month (Friday or not) is a general check-in with my readers and usually an update on what's happening with me, the second Friday is something related to Tarot, the third Friday of the month is something related to Satanism, and starting this month the fourth Friday (or whatever is convenient before the start of the next month) is a round-up of my favorite links from the previous month.

Writing on a schedule has been really helpful for me, not only because it allows me to better budget and manage my time, but also because it gives me a chance to write letters and essays which are probably better conceived and developed than the other items I published when I was writing without a schedule. This schedule has also been really helpful for me because it's allowed me to better compartmentalize what's happening inside my head, which ultimately helps to reduce distractions and increase the quality of my productive time.

And I gotta say, having been on this schedule for a while, it feels really good.

It feels so good, in fact, that until the end of the year I'm taking a hiatus from Tarot reading for the sake of personal and professional development... well, that and to more successfully accommodate my family's changing schedule. This spring my wife went back to school to finish her bachelor's degree, and given that there are two school-aged kids in the house this means that I'm the lead parent most days of the week when school is in session for all things child-related. Strictly speaking, I do have the time in my day to continue servicing my Tarot clients, but in practice I find that I don't have the energy or focus to give all the people in my life -- both family and clients -- the time and attention they deserve. For this reason, as you could guess, I'm keeping my family and dropping my clients.

My blog isn't going anywhere, and my regular schedule of updates will continue for as long as I'm here to write them, but I've spent too much time being the man behind the curtain working the smoke and mirrors for my clients. Like Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkle Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs -- or as you probably know him, the Wizard of Oz -- I need to take a break from operating the controls behind the curtain, climb into a hot air balloon, and fly away for a little while.

I couldn't guess at what the Wizard of Oz was going to do when he got to wherever he was going, but when I get to where I'm going -- which I suppose is right where I already am? -- I'm going to spend less time practicing for others and more time practicing for myself. Well, I think it's more accurate to say that I'll spend more time doing housework and driving the kids around town... but the point is that I've become tired of performing for others and need to spend more time performing for myself.  

As before, once again: this blog will continue as it ever has, but private services cannot be purchase at any price for the rest of the year. I'll be offering Tarot readings again in 2019, and I might also start offering numerology readings, but for now -- as far as professional services are concerned -- the man behind the curtain has flown away and he'll return when he's good and ready.

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